I Just Want To See My Son

If you have read my book The Hard Way or ever heard me give my testimony you know that I became a teen father at 19 years old and a few years later lost my rights as a father due to a drug addiction. I gave my son up for adoption to his mothers husband and I haven't seen him for 13 years. 

Just the other week I spoke at a camp in New Jersey and then when I was done I had the amazing opportunity to go back to the church I grew up in just outside of Philadelphia and preach there. It was truly an amazing moment. About 900 people from all different times in my life came out to the service. Friends from high school, people from the church, even the nurse who pumped my stomach when I tried to commit suicide many years ago saw the advertisement and came out to see me.

I knew that they had put out advertisements on the radio and other places that I was going to be speaking at Family Worship Center. I also knew that my son who I hadn't seen in 13 years only lives a few miles away. That afternoon I just cried out to God and said, "Jesus, I don't care what he looks like, what he has done or what he wants to do with his life. I just desperately want to see my son and give him a hug." I sat there crying and sitting in Gods presence when I heard the Lord speak to my heart. He began to comfort me and I heard something that I felt was so profound and wanted to share with you. I felt the Lord say to me. "Jeremy, I know how you feel. I also dont care what they have done, what they look like or where they are going. I just want my children to come home so I can give them a hug."

This struck me so very hard. God the heavenly Father loves us so much more than I could even understand love. And just like me and my love for my son. Jesus loves you and even more to the point where he died for you. I began to weap for a different reason than missing my son. I began to weap because I came to an overwhelming realization of how much my heavenly father truly loved me. 

I love the story of the prodigal son in Luke 15. The part in verse 20 where it says, 

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

I know this is what I would do if I ever got the opportunity to see my son again. I wouldn't want to hear about his mistakes to make sure I wanted to hold him. I would just hold him. Does sin have consequences? Yes it does. Does it separate you from the love of your Father? If you run to him for forgiveness he is waiting and will never reject you. I know this because I am a dad with a son I haven't seen in a long time, the love I have for my son is so great yet it doesn't compare to the love our Heavenly Father has for you and he is waiting for you to turn to him.

Ephesians 2 says:

³ All of us also lived among them at one time,gratifying the cravings of our flesh^[a] and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. ⁴ But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, ⁵ made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.

You see its not about what you deserve its about what he has done. 

Although my son didn't come that night I spoke it was still one of the greatest moments I have had getting to be with so many people that I knew through out my life. 

I am still waiting for that moment when I get to run and hug my son. For some of you reading this, God wants you to know he is still waiting for that moment he gets to run and hug you. He is running towards you right now. Will you turn to him. I hope you understand that there is no need to hide. Just as I don't care where my son is in life. God doesnt care where you are, he simply wants to hug his child. 

My thoughts after a day with David Green owner of Hobby Lobby

      

The other day I had one of those days that will stand out to me for eternity. It was truly a life changing and inspiring moment that still has me in prayer.

My good friend Stacey Hillis (Side note: Yes that he is a guy with a girl's name) and I were in Oklahoma City spending time with one of my mentors Pat Schatzline (Side Note: His new best-selling book Why is God so Mad at Me is a must have in your library.) Sunday Night Pastor Pat spoke at Crossroads AG an awesome church pastored by Pastor Ted Miller.

I love hanging out with Stacey because he is a go getter and dreamer. He is not afraid of failing or hearing no. This is the type of guy I want to hang with. When I woke up Monday morning I was looking for him in the hotel and couldn't find him. My phone had just broke so I had no way to call him. He shows up about an hour later and says, "Just went over to Hobby Lobby headquarters and asked for an appointment with David Green at 1:30"

David Green is an amazing man of God. He has built a hobby that started in his Garage into a 3 billion dollar company. He has done a so much for the kingdom of God. Things that I didn't even realize until I had the amazing honor of sitting in his conference room with him. For a few moments we sat and talked about his book and other things but then God came into the room. David began to tear up as he talked about how badly he wanted to reach the world for Jesus. This is a man who as personally put Bibles into over 400,000 homes in China.

I was totally blown away as we looked at pictures of all the amazing things that he has been able to do for Jesus around the world. Mr. Green is so humble and not one to brag. But people estimate he gives over $300 million a year to the cause of Christ. But it's not a give where you can just email him and get money. Mr. Green is so strategic in his giving and so wise, it just blows me away.

One of the biggest things he said to me while touring the over 5 million sq ft of Hobby Lobby headquarters. We where walking along and I said "this place is the cleanest and biggest building I've ever seen in my life" (I literally would have eaten mashed potatoes off the floors)  A few moments later he looked at Pastor Pat, Stacey and I and said, "I've given this all to God, there are only two things that are eternal on this earth 1) Gods Word and 2) Peoples Souls this is what is important to me and those two things are what is eternal in this earth."

But then the moment came where David told me the story of his mother and this my friends impacted me so much. His mother Mrs. Green was an evangelist who traveled all over spreading the Gospel. One day she was praying for God to do a miracle, she was completely out of money. She had one dime left in her pocket. While praying for God to do a miracle in her finances she ran into someone who had less than her, they had no dime in their pocket. Mrs. Green in that moment took her dime and gave it away. She gave all she had in the world to the Lord.

When Mr. David Green told this story he teared up and said, "I've given a lot for the cause of Christ." and it is evident he has but then he said, "I've never given more than my mother, she gave a dime but it was all she had."  WOW I was so inspired and blown away. Mr. Green gives away millions to ministries. But you my friend can give just as much or more. Jesus doesn't see the dollar value he see's the  sacrifice. Mr. Green has a true heart to give for a purpose to reach and help the lost. He cares about people who is why is minimum wage at his companies is $13.o0 an hour rather than what the government requires.

I felt so inspired to give as much as I can. I want to encourage you from this story it's not about how much you give its about the heart and sacrifice behind it. This is what changes the atmosphere, inspires others and most importantly pleases God.

David Green gave us his time on Monday and it was a life changing inspiration moment. Be a giver and lover of people.

One of the last things he said to me was, "I used to say you can't out give God. Then God said to me one time, David you havent even tried yet."

One man has done so much for the kingdom of God. But if we all get this fever of giving our dimes together would be so much more. Thank you Mr. Green for being an inspiration and example for all of us and thank you Mrs. Green for being an example to the generations to come.

Bi-Vocational Ministry

After I was done with a year of Masters Commission I had a goal to become a youth pastor. I probably sent fifty resumes to different churches. I didn't care who hired me I just wanted to be in youth ministry. The problem was most Mega-Churches where not looking for a kid just clean from drugs for a year to be their Youth Pastor.

In the summer of 2003 I decided to go visit my parents who moved to Alaska my senior year in High School. When I was there I visited the area my Dad was pastoring a small church in part of town called Mt View. This area broke my heart, gang infested, drug infested and run down. It was ranked top in the nation for suicides. I always knew I was called to the places a lot of people would not go. When I told people I was going to drive through Mt View they would say things like, "Don't go alone." or  "I stay far away from that area" Mt View actually has two ways to get into that part of the city. They blocked off most entrances, that way if there was a crime the police could shut it down until they found who ever was wanted.

I knew this is where I would have my first Youth Pastor Job. There was no pay check no getting hired, they where happy for anyone that would help. I started a few Wednesdays later in the Basement of the small church with five kids.

Since I had no way to get paid I had to find a full-time job that worked with my calling. I started at Lowe's on the night shift. I would go into work at 10:00pm and get off work at 6:00am. I would go home sleep for a few hours and then go be a youth pastor. At this time I wasn't married so time management with the family was not an issue.

I never knew what I had at that church, the amazing opportunity that I still look back on and miss. I would go to Youth Pastors Conferences and see all the"Paid Guys" in a circle that I felt I was not usually accepted in. I would try to make friends with the "popular youth pastors" but in the church world I felt looked down upon for being bi-vocational. It was like I was only half a youth pastor. I had one full-time Pastor named Kent Elder at Muldoon Assembly who really believed in me and helped me.

I remember being at those conferences and hearing from these guys with multiple staff members trying to tell me how to improve my ministry. But to no fault of them they couldn't relate. I remember one time Pastor Kent Elder leaning over to me and saying, "I guess this doesn't help a guy with no budget, who pays to be in Youth Ministry." That made me laugh.

You see I had a mission in Mt. View. I will never forget the first time I got the kids Pizza and at the end of the night a kid named Nick, who smelled like urine and wore the same clothes for at least two weeks in a row came to me and asked if he could take the rest of the Pizza home. I laughed and said, "Bro, you ate a whole pie by yourself, I can't afford you." With a scared look on his face he said, "I'm sorry for asking its just my little brother hasn't eaten this week either and I wanted to bring him some."

I broke in tears, I had to get a better job! I needed to get these kids food. I got innovative and started to hit up every pizza shop in town. I finally found a Papa Murphy's who was willing to give me half off on all the Pizza I needed.

For two years I walked those streets coming up with ideas and ways to help Mt. View all while working a full-time job. God opened so many doors. One day while working at Lowe's I was in the lumber section and this dude in a brand new Mercedes parked right in front of the door and walked in. I was helping him find what he needed. He turned to me and said, "Have you ever considered sales for a career." I said, "No" and started to tell him about my mission in Mt View. Turns out he was the Vice President of the Cable company in town and hired me on the spot. I went from $10.00 an hour at Lowes  to sometimes 3 to 4 thousand a week in commissions in sales at the cable company. That opened the door to a lot more pizza.

One day when I was walking the streets and walked into the leader of the SOS. A Samoan gang that kinda ran Mt. View. He looked at me and said, "You're the crazy white preacher everyone talks about." I said "Yep that's me." He said, "Thanks for feeding some of the kids around here." I began to tell him my heart to reach Mt. View for Jesus. He laughed and said, "I get the crazy part now! I don't need Jesus I need a job. I've got 5 kids." I quickly replied, "I'll get you a job."  Funny thing is when those words came out. I got scared, I had no idea where to get this guy a job. But God opened doors and I did find him a job. The next week my Youth ministry went from about 15 to close to 200. He made the whole SOS gang go to my youth group.

All of the sudden people started to notice. People would ask me what I was doing to grow such a large youth ministry, I had to tell them I reached one guy. Not exactly the growth plan they where looking for. I got some full-time youth pastor jobs offered to me. I thought I had finally made it. It wasn't to long before I was leaving what I put my heart and soul into building for a paycheck. My need for acceptance and approval from the church world was overwhelming and I thought the full-time status would bring that.

Funny thing was when I got the full-time job, the circle still felt unwelcoming. Turns out I needed more healing than those guys I felt did not want me around because I was Bi-Vocational.

What is my point in this story? When I got a paycheck from a church, my anointing didn't change and I think I got lazy with innovation.

I want to encourage you today if you are a volunteer youth pastor. You are the ones who should be celebrated and probably should be teaching the ones with paychecks how to get things done.  There is no level system to God. I have come to learn I am not a pastor because of the company name on my Paycheck. I am a pastor because of the calling God has placed on my life.

Paul the Apostle was Bi-Vocatioal and this is a man who the entire church looks too for ministry advice. He is known as one of the greats. In heaven and maybe even on earth you will be known as that too.

Be encouraged, build, don't miss the amazing gift you have. I really did miss what I had in my thoughts of needing a paycheck from a church. The true warriors are the ones who pay to do what they do and I honor you today.

No conference or camp I have ever spoke at, no circle I have ever been accepted in has been as fulfilling in my life as showing a kid named Nick who smelled like pee, bruised from the beatings of his dad the love of Jesus. No paycheck was ever worth the stories of miracles and breakthroughs God brought to help us to feed a town of kids pizza on a Weds night so they could get at least one meal.

Don't find your identity in where you are paid. I call on all Pastors, find your identity in him. Stand up Pastor and know you are a giant in the Kingdom. The warrior who needs nothing and yet lays down his life for the mission of the King.

"I want to Preach to Thousands"

I find it interesting that when Jesus is praying to his father and reflecting over his mission. He doesn't say, "Father, I did big things, I spoke to thousands, healed people and became well-known."  No, this was not what he was praying about. This isn't the mission he is saying he felt he needed to accomplish in his life. It isn't what he said as he came to the end of his ministry and looked towards the cross. What was important to his ministry is found in John 17.

John 17:25-26

²⁵ “Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. ²⁶ I have made you^[a] known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.”

He is saying I completed my work "even though the world does not know you, they (the disciples) know you" 

Wow Jesus did all of these amazing things. But looking back on his life the most important thing, the thing that he prayed before it was over was that those he discipled the few; he was glad he raised them up so that they know God and can make him known. 

The truth is that we look at the programs and the big events, the thousands and that's what we want to accomplish most of the time. I have more young ministers tell me they are "Called to Preach to Thousands" Yes those are all good goals that there is nothing wrong with. Jesus spoke to thousands as well.  But Jesus' main goal was not programs and was not the thousands. He was okay that he wasn't yet world-famous, that wasnt the main purpose. The main purpose was that his legacy be poured out though the twelve. 

I'll never forget the story of my father who always went for people over fame. He is a true trailblazer in the kingdom of God. The greatest title I've ever been given is "Bill Donovan's Son." When I was a kid he was offered a few large churches to go pastor, but he didn't feel called to those. He felt called to a church of 5 in one of the worst parts of the city. We moved and lived in the Sunday School rooms of the church. While ministering there he was at a Pastors conference and was in a circle of guys all wanting to be on "the circuit of speakers" they where all talking numbers. "My church has had this event and grown here" and "Ive been invited to speak here."  Again all that is okay Jesus spoke in large places and I enjoy getting those opportunities as well.  But my dad who was there said, "We had over 2,000 decisions for Christ last year" The pastors where all in shock. WOW 2000 decisions is insane. They knew where he was at and a that is amazing growth. My dad finished by saying, "Yeah all the decisions where no." with that everyone got a good laugh.

The truth is that little church in the inner city grew to about 150 people in the 5 years we where there. Not enough to get on the "Top 10 Evangelical Church List"  or "Top 25 Most Influential Pastors" list. It wasn't a "Nationally Known Ministry" all though we where "Known Nationally" (had some friends in Ohio, California and Pennsylvania)

But something way bigger happened there at Glad Tidings AG in Louisville, KY.  Still to this day I get messages from people telling me how my dad's ministry changed their life forever. Recently I went back to the West End of Louisville and ran into people who where still living for the Lord and even doing ministry all because my Dad went after 5 people in a little church instead of what some of us see as a promotion, program or mega something that we feel we want. Again, I am not against any of that but can I encourage you to make people what counts. Oh to be called to the people who do not know but we can show them. Who will go to the 5 and at the end of their ministry as Jesus did not worry about the big crowds, but rather say, "I accomplished what I came for, the world may not know you but they do!"

Building people is harder and more time consuming than a program of event. But people are the heart of God. Oh that they may know him and make him known. Its okay if you want to preach to thousands, but who is in your heart? Who when its time to leave this world can you say, "I've done it. They know you Jesus and are prepared to carry out the call on their life." 

Be Beautiful

Ezekiel 16 has to be one of the greatest evangelism verses in the Bible. So many times we look at Evangelism as spreading the knowledge that we have learned, to a world that doesn't understand. You have to remember you had a renewal of the mind which brings you to an understanding that they may not get. But what they will understand is your beauty as the bride of Christ. Ezekiel 16 explains the transformation we had to become his bride so eloquently.

Ezekiel 16: 6-14

"6 “‘Then I passed by and saw you kicking about in your blood, and as you lay there in your blood I said to you, “Live!”[a] 7 I made you grow like a plant of the field. You grew and developed and entered puberty. Your breasts had formed and your hair had grown, yet you were stark naked.

8 “‘Later I passed by, and when I looked at you and saw that you were old enough for love, I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your naked body. I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Sovereign Lord, and you became mine.

9 “‘I bathed you with water and washed the blood from you and put ointments on you. 10 I clothed you with an embroidered dress and put sandals of fine leather on you. I dressed you in fine linen and covered you with costly garments. 11 I adorned you with jewelry: I put bracelets on your arms and a necklace around your neck, 12 and I put a ring on your nose, earrings on your ears and a beautiful crown on your head. 13 So you were adorned with gold and silver; your clothes were of fine linen and costly fabric and embroidered cloth. Your food was honey, olive oil and the finest flour. You became very beautiful and rose to be a queen. 14 And your fame spread among the nations on account of your beauty, because the splendor I had given you made your beauty perfect, declares the Sovereign Lord."

God has brought beauty into your life, made you perfect. It says because of this your fame spread. If you think of a bride on the big day of the wedding, the most important thing to her is how she looks. She has dreamt of this day for years and wants it to be perfect. My question to you would be as you reach out to a dying world who is kicking in their blood just as you where when he found you, how do you look? Do the see the spledor of what God has made you? I am sure they know what you believe. For years the Christian church has been very clear on what they believe and what they are against. There is nothing wrong with stating your beliefs, in fact I encourage you to stand firm on them. As important as it is to know what you believe this piece of scripture states very clearly that his bride became famous from her beauty not her beliefs. She was known for what God had made done through her, not her knowlege of right and wrong was.

We must reach out with our beauty not our beliefs. I have never seen someone accept Jesus and find salvation by stating what I disagreed with them on. I am remided of Jesus when he met Zacchaeus. Jesus didnt say Zacchaeus you need help, it is wrong to steal. He simply said, "Come down from there, I want to spend time with you." Wow what an example of the beauty of true love! When we show love people open up when you are beautiful to them. They begin to see the splendor and desire that when you go and have dinner with them. When you spend time and get to know who they are and why they hurt. You are beautiful when you are there in the times when all they can do is reach out for help from someone.

There is something truly beautiful about the church. It is amazing to see what the church can accomplish. As a pastor I know that the world even understands this. Even when the world may disagree with a belief they know who to call if in trouble. Why the church? Because there is a beauty in the design of the bride of Christ that it is the most powerful design by God to effect the world around.

Just recently here in Oklahoma we had wild fires that destroyed a lot of homes. The beauty of the Church came into play when churches all over the state opened their doors as shelters for the people who lost their homes. A little over a year ago when the tornado of the century hit Joplin we went to the city to help. We asked where to go to find a place to get involved and the police pointed us to different churches that where shelter and help points in the city. I was in New York on Sept 11 2001, The Bowery Mission is a well know Christian Homeless Shelter at Bowery St and Canal St that sits just a few blocks outside of the area that was affected by that tragic day. The police and paramedics turned to the Pastors of that church in this time. The Mission was turned into a main supply hub to help bring water, food and medical supplies to those working and affected by the tragedy of Sept 11. Even if people do not realize it. The church is known for its beauty.

I have many friends who don't believe what I do. They know what I believe but I have made it a point to not use my life to get into long drawn out debates on what we believe and why we believe differently. If they ask I tell them but not in an argument or debate setting. When those are in a point where they need advice or help they usually call me.

Your beauty is so important if you want to reach people its what makes you famous. Your beauty as a Christian is not the way you look (I am thankful for that) Its who you are as the bride of Christ. Who he has made you. The heart he has given you to love people. If we want to reach our city it will not come from a debate on beliefs. It comes from the beauty we have as Christians to love people and be there for them even when they are like we where before Christ made us beautiful.

This piece of scripture goes on to talk about how the bride went on to misuse the beauty that God gave her. I want to encourage you to reach out but let your walk speak louder than your talk. The bride on the day of the wedding dosent have to say anything when she makes that walk. She is known by who she is. God made you who you are so you can just be, and that will reach, change and effect the world around you.